Thursday, May 24, 2007

Devoting myself to Him

My Master and I had previously discussed the idea of having a collaring ceremony. The idea was brought up quite some time ago, by Him. At the time, I thought it would be fun and didn’t really take it as seriously as I probably should have. I believe my comment was something along the lines of “I’ll think about it and get back to you”, or something to that extent. Clearly, at this stage I was not yet ready to take my submission serious enough, at this stage it was all kind of just a bit of fun. Now things are different.

Last night I was doing some thinking, not about anything real specific, when I started entertaining the thought of a collaring ceremony. This isn’t something that I’ve been thinking about of late, but with a recent shift in our relationship, I feel it would be appropriate now. Not only that, but I feel and believe that I am ready to make that next step to committing to Him.

I have done some research today (online) regarding how these ceremonies are usually conducted (what is said and exchanged etc) and after doing this I feel even more ready. While having a look online to see the details of how it normally works, it seems pretty standard for not only the Master to present the submissive with a collar but for her to present him with a token too. We shall be spending Christmas together and as I have His present already organised, I believe that this would be an excellent opportunity for us to conduct our own ceremony and for me to present this gift to Him as a token of my devotion to Him.

My Master had a long day today and was extremely tired when I told Him of this idea. He informed me that He would have a think about it and get back to me. I won’t push the idea, as I want Him to want it as much as I do. Although, I must admit that I am rather excited at the prospect of showing Him how devoted I am, and being collared by Him.

I guess I shall just wait and see what He wants.

Another thing I found while searching for some information today was the idea of having a contract between the two of us that stated what the slave’s role is, what the Master’s role is, and what each of them agree to. This I also found rather interesting. I would also like for my Master and I to agree to a contract and be bound by it.

I hope that this (at least the ceremony, if not the contract) is something that we can do and share together (if not at Christmas, then at some point down the track). I honestly feel that there’s been a shift in my thoughts regarding our relationship. I have turned a corner, and feel that I am more ready and willing to submit to Him, more than I ever have been. I believe that both a collaring ceremony and a contract between the two of us would just enforce this.

Something else that I found interesting today was the question of “Are you a Lifestyle Submissive or do you just like kinky play?” The difference as defined by Mistress Catharine (from http://www.bdsmcircle.net/opinione/areyoualifestyle.htm) is: “a lifestyle submissive is one who enjoys and desires to serve, and actually be of service to their dominant outside of a sexual scene.” Mistress Catharine also states: “Our submissives desire to please Us and desire Our happiness, fulfilment and contentment and not only during a scene. The thought of the dominant's pleasure turns on a submissive and although they have their own tastes and kinks that they enjoy more than other kinks, they would not dream to dictate a scene. A submissive is attentive to the dom.”

I have come to the conclusion that I am a lifestyle submissive (based on Mistress Catharine’s definition). I will do anything to please my Master and I feel distressed if I have done or said something that has hurt or disappoinyted Him. I always want my Master to be pleased and happy. However, it is also my need is for Him to be pleased and happy. I hate the way I feel if I have let Him down and disappointed Him in any way, shape or form, and following this is quite a number of days where I feel disappointed in myself for the words spoken or the actions I have taken. It is unbearable to know that I have done something wrong and disappointed Him or hurt Him.

So there you go, I am a lifestyle submissive and I embrace this, as well as fully embracing the true me, warts, kinks, fetishes and all.

Lucy

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