Monday, July 23, 2007


I’ve always been a very confident person and over the years, there haven’t been too many instances where I haven’t known what I wanted. I feel that I’ve been extremely lucky in that regard. For instance, I’ve known for a long time what I wanted to study at uni and which profession I wanted to be a part of. So considering this, you would think that I would be just as confident when it comes to sex. Well, that’s not exactly the case. I’m confident when it comes to knowing what I want, or more to the point what I wanted and still want to experience. Although, I’m not that confident to ask for what I want, even though I know what that is.

I believe this is due to my age, and the fact that I have only ever slept with one person (who, I might add, is a lot more experienced than what I am). This works well when it comes to the whole submission lifestyle. I’m starting to express myself to Him more as time goes on, but I’ve been lucky that He can read me as well as He can, and knows me as well as He does. Because of this, I don’t really have to tell Him what I want.

One thing that I found difficult to deal with was the fact that I prefer masturbating to having sex. At first I put it out of my mind, and was in denial. I just didn’t want to believe that I enjoyed masturbating more than I enjoyed sex. After all, society tells us that this just isn’t “normal” or what “should be”. I “should” prefer to have sex with my partner, than to indulge in self-pleasure. For me, this is not the case. It doesn’t have anything to do with His skills. In fact, it’s not really about Him. As selfish as that sounds, it’s true.

We all know that we’re the best person to please ourselves. We know exactly how it feels at the time, and can adjust what we’re doing automatically to make it feel better, to bring ourselves closer to the edge, or to back away when we want it to last longer. When someone else is pleasing us, it’s more complicated to explain to them what’s working, or not, and how to improve on what they’re doing to make it better.

I have now come to terms with this fact. I no longer feel as if I’m doing something wrong and I don’t over analyse it like I used to. I take it for what it is and that at the end of the day, I’m pleased and contented with it, and it suits me, and that’s all that matters. I don’t care whether society tells me that it shouldn’t be this way, because it suits me. This is what our relationship consists of. I no longer have my Master use my cunt, unless He’s lubing His cock up to use my arse. We happily watch each other masturbate to orgasm, and we’re both happy with this. This is our sex life. In saying that I prefer masturbating to having sex, I love for Him to use my arse. It feels great and I love feeling him cum in my arse. As well as that, I love having an orgasm when His cock is there. It’s a different kind of orgasm that’s extremely pleasurable.

I can confidently say that I prefer masturbation to having sex, and I don’t care that according to society, I shouldn’t. To a certain extent, especially when it comes to the do’s and don’ts of sex, I make my own rules and don’t listen to what society tells me is the so called “right” way to do it. Personally, I think this is the best way to be.

Lucy xoxox