Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes

I have been working on this post for months now, but haven’t been satisfied enough with what I’ve written to publish it. My mind races with a million different thoughts that lead me down a million different paths, and that’s just one reason why this is so difficult. It’s hard to share what’s going on, when I’m still adjusting to it and working it out for myself.

It has been almost two years since I became sick and started losing weight. Almost two years that have been full of tears, determination, fears, sweat, uncertainty, self-doubt, pain, joy, happiness, adjustment and so much more. I am not the same person I was then. I couldn’t be with all the changes and everything that has happened.

As I write this, my total weight loss is 32kg (70.5lbs). I’ve lost 5 dress sizes and goodness only knows how many inches. These aren’t the only things I’ve lost; I’ve also lost my self-identity, self-consciousness, countless outfits that I adored and many other things. However, there are many things that I have gained over this time as well. A new self-identity, self-confidence that I have never known before, the freedom to walk into any clothing store and not having to worry about whether anything will fit me, and last but not least my health and knowing that I’ve added many more years to my life.

There are not enough words or enough space on my blog to explain all the ways I’ve changed (and no doubt you would be bored if I listed them all). However, I can share with you what all this has done for me. As clichéd as it sounds, this has been a big, long, eye-opening and extremely personal journey. I’ve done a lot of soul searching, a lot of thinking, and a mass of writing during this time. I’ve learnt and realised so much more about myself that I thought I would, and I’m better for it. I know myself, my emotions (and the reasons behind these) better than I ever have before. I believe I am a better me for going through this, because I have discovered the real and true me. I’m still adjusting to everything and probably will be for some time to come. After all, I haven’t reached my goal weight yet, but I am close.

Putting aside the obvious health benefits, the best part of this journey is how I now feel about myself. I never thought that I would be satisfied or content with being me. And many years ago I gave up on being the person I wanted to be. I had (grudgingly) accepted that I would always be fat and that that was just something I had to live with. How I feel about myself now, is something I only ever dreamed about, but never thought I would actually experience. For the very first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am truly happy with being who I am, with being me.

I am not perfect now that I’ve lost weight, and I never will be (but perfection is not my goal). I still have lessons to learn, and improvements to make and that’s okay. Just like it’s okay that there are physical aspects to my body that I would like to improve. However, if (for whatever reason) my body had to say the way it is right now, I would be content, I would be satisfied, but most of all I would be happy. I would be lying if I said that I found this easy. I haven’t. But to come out at the other end of this, knowing I’m a better (and healthier) version of me, is and has been worth it.

And it’s such a great feeling to finally feel sexy naked.

Opportunity

She was waiting for the holidays; looking forward to all the naughty fun they could have together. And then He got sick. Every day she would wake up with an ache between her legs, hoping that today was the day He would be feeling much better. However, each new day found Him just as sick as the one before.

Two weeks later and He’s still sick. It’s after dinner and she knows He’s not feeling well enough for what she wants to be doing. With Him busy watching tv, she takes this opportunity and quietly exits to the bedroom. Straight away she proceeds to her bedside drawer, the one that keeps her toys, her lovers. Her whole body tingles thinking about her lover’s cock, but tonight there is no time. She reaches in and retrieves her baby blue waterproof vibe. As quickly as it’s retrieved, the old batteries are replaced by new ones and she makes her way into the bathroom.

She undresses quickly, almost ripping her clothes off. The hot water is turned onto high, steaming up the glass. In one swift movement she sinks down; her back against the wall and legs splayed open. Her hand dives down to find her clit erect and begging for attention. With limited time, it’s only a matter of seconds before she places the vibe on her clit and turns it on. She masturbates as His words replay in her mind. The promise of Him taking her arse again, of making it a regular priority.

She soaps up her other hand and plays with a nipple, allowing a soft sigh to escape her lips. She increases the speed of the vibe as she rests more of her weight against the wall. She’s getting closer, thinking about having His cock in her arse again. Conscious of the time that has passed she wonders if He’s going to come looking for her soon. The thought of Him catching her masturbating is a fantasy that has made her gush on countless occasions. Tonight will be no different. Her toes curl under as she cums, hoping He’s going to walk in at that very moment and catch her.

Winter Update

Hi Everyone. I know it's been awhile since I posted and the reason is because I'm sick. Well, both of us are sick. When I went away to celebrate my birthday with my family I got a sore throat, which turned into a cold, which has now gone to my chest. Yeah, not so much fun.

The sore throat has gone, as have the sniffles (well almost all gone), but now I've got the annoying bloody cough which is persisting. I've been sick for almost two weeks now :-(

The other night when Daddy and I were playing, He couldn't resist and kissed me, which is now why He's sick. Even though as soon as He did it I said "Don't blame me if you get sick", I still feel bad. They say there's a 1 in 16 chance of catching a cold from someone if you kiss them while they're sick. Well, I can tell you, he only kissed me once, so our luck isn't too good at the moment obviously.

I hate being sick, as do most people. But the one thing that I've come to realise this time, is how much I can't stand not being able to kiss Him. It's been driving me batty! I've always known that kissing is one activity that I really enjoy, but to not be able to do it is torture (and not in the good sense) :-)

A good kiss can make me weak at the knees and tremble in anticipation of what's to come (if anything). It can make my heart pound and my stomach flutter. It can give me goosebumps. It can be exactly what I want, or it can leave me waiting for more.

I can't wait until I'm better again, because although I'm missing all of these things in not being able to kiss Him, the one thing I'm missing more than all is the fact that Daddy has grown his beard and moustache back for the winter *big grins*

This is how He was when we first got together. His facial hair takes me back to the early days, which were troublesome, but adventurous. Innocent and yet so full of naughtiness and debauchery. Not to mention the fact that the tickling of His beard and mo is the one type of tickling that I would ask for, in various places over my body ;-)

And speaking of body hair, I've let my leg hair grow back. I'm not sure how long it's been since I last shaved, but it's at least over a month, maybe two. It's strange to have it back again, after having gotten into the routine of shaving my legs. Although I'm definitely not complaining for the extra warmth on these chilly nights we've been having. My underarm hair is back as well, although it's only been a couple of weeks since I stopped shaving that. We'll see how it goes, for the moment both my underarm and leg hair is staying. And afterall, with Daddy growing His facial hair for me, it's only fair that He gets to enjoy my body hair too :-)

HNT is a no-goer

Hi everyone.

Sorry to disappoint, but HNT in this household isn't going to be happening this week. Still sick. I've had a bit of nausea pop up today as well as the (continuous) sniffles and after having a snooze earlier my face feels puffy. To top it off, I'm pretty sure I was running a temp before...given that I was cold and shivering, but sweating at the same time. Back to the doctor this afternoon, probably for more drugs maybe. God it'd be nice to wake up just one day and feel half human. Oh god, am I going to be happy when that day comes.

Hope you're all feeling better than we are at the moment. And even though I'm feeling like shit... Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday.

In sickness and in health...

I know it's been a little while since I've updated (it happens). We've been sick again (or is that still?). Life has been pretty shitty of late with both of us feeling unwell and on medication. I've been (a bit of) a bitch to live with (hormones...need I say more?) and I don't care what anyone says, when you're sick, you get grumpy. And when you're sick on and off for as long as I have been, you really do get the shits. If it's not one thing, it's another. And you get sad. You just want one day where you feel half decent. That day was today (for me, not him), but the weather here is glum and that's not really helping me feel better. And when he's not feeling good, it sucks. I hate that I can't help in any way (just as he hates it when he can't help me feel better).

On a slightly different (but not-so-different) note, I'm getting healthier. Yeah, I know that sounds strange given the rant I've just had on being sick, but I am. For health reasons, I need to lose weight. This is coming along nicely, and I'm pleased that I am starting to fit into old clothes of mine that have been too tight (for too long). I'm starting to look better and feel better (both physically and mentally).

I went shopping the other night, and was (extremely) pleased that for the first time, in god knows how long, I didn't have to go to the "big gals" section of clothing or underwear! And I now weigh less than what I did when I graduated from high school (big achievement, and the first weight-loss goal of mine).

So far, I've managed to lose (read: get rid of) 13.5kg (or 29.76lbs). It hasn't been easy at times, and I still eat crap (i.e. chocolate, chips etc), only now I eat less of it and know when I've had enough. Previously, I've heard people say "Nothing tastes as good as being healthy/skinny feels" and when I heard that I just thought "What a load of fucking shit! You can't tell me that it feels THAT good!". Well I can tell you it certainly does. And I honestly never thought that I would agree with them (how times have changed).

Now, apart from knowing I'm healthier, I'm going to live longer and I'm feeling better....what's the best part about my weight loss?

My confidence boost for sure. There really is nothing like losing weight (especially when it needs to be done) to give my ego a little kick in the right direction. I now walk down the street with a spring in my step. I no longer walk along looking at my feet, avoiding eye contact with people. I walk tall and proud, I make eye contact and I smile (that smile that He loves) and I know that I look good. (See...told you my ego's been given a boost. But not in a look-at-me/give-me-all-your-attention kinda way).

I'm not skinny, I'm still curvy and voluptuous. I know there are plenty of other women out there that have better figures than me, and are prettier than me. But you know what? I don't really care. Why? Because there always will be. I am not delusional in thinking I am the bees knees. I am not perfect and never will be perfect. However, I'm on my way to reaching my goals. I'm doing this for me and me alone. Sure it's great that I'm now better looking to Him (even though He's always loved me just the way I am). But ultimately, this is something I need to do for me.

I just can't wait until we're both feeling better so we can take advantage of my weight loss and have some awesome fun in the bedroom!

Missing In Action

Hi everyone.

I know I haven't posted for a little while. The reason why? I'm sick. I've been to the doctor, it's nothing serious. Just a viral thing that needs to work its way out of my system. Needless to say though, I'm sick of the nausea and the pain. Fingers crossed that it's going to piss off really soon!

Lucy