Monday, May 28, 2007

Off the beaten track

Why is it that I’m submissive? This is a question that I’ve been asking myself for a little while now. Maybe it comes down to the fact that I’m just a little girl on the inside who wants to be taken care of. Maybe it’s because I want to let go of some control in one part of my life and let someone else make the decisions for me. Maybe I’m submissive because I put others first and this is just an extension of that.

All I know is that I love it. I love being told what to do, I love pleasing Him. I love knowing that me being pleased is not a top priority. I love that I have a job, and that job is me submitting to Him, and everything that comes with it.

I find it difficult to request what I want when it comes to sex. Perhaps that’s just because He’s my first and only partner (and He’s more experienced) or perhaps that’s just who I am.

I love that He takes control and tells me what to wear (or what not to wear), when I can and can’t masturbate, when I can and can’t orgasm.

I came across an interesting point on Persephone’s blog where her owners stated that she was thinking of her orgasm as being for her. They correct her and stated that it wasn’t for her and that nothing of her body is for her. “You feel the benefits of it, but it’s not for you”. This struck a chord with me, which rang so true. I know that the orgasm’s I have are because of Him allowing me to have them, but I always thought that it’s because He wants me to be pleased and obtain what I need. I’m sure this is true, but when looking at it from the other perspective, they aren’t for me. My orgasm’s are essentially for Him, after all, He’s the one that is either allowing or denying them.

I ahve obviously gotten off track and in a later post I shall address why I think I'm submissive (or I will try to at least).

Lucy

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Devoting myself to Him

My Master and I had previously discussed the idea of having a collaring ceremony. The idea was brought up quite some time ago, by Him. At the time, I thought it would be fun and didn’t really take it as seriously as I probably should have. I believe my comment was something along the lines of “I’ll think about it and get back to you”, or something to that extent. Clearly, at this stage I was not yet ready to take my submission serious enough, at this stage it was all kind of just a bit of fun. Now things are different.

Last night I was doing some thinking, not about anything real specific, when I started entertaining the thought of a collaring ceremony. This isn’t something that I’ve been thinking about of late, but with a recent shift in our relationship, I feel it would be appropriate now. Not only that, but I feel and believe that I am ready to make that next step to committing to Him.

I have done some research today (online) regarding how these ceremonies are usually conducted (what is said and exchanged etc) and after doing this I feel even more ready. While having a look online to see the details of how it normally works, it seems pretty standard for not only the Master to present the submissive with a collar but for her to present him with a token too. We shall be spending Christmas together and as I have His present already organised, I believe that this would be an excellent opportunity for us to conduct our own ceremony and for me to present this gift to Him as a token of my devotion to Him.

My Master had a long day today and was extremely tired when I told Him of this idea. He informed me that He would have a think about it and get back to me. I won’t push the idea, as I want Him to want it as much as I do. Although, I must admit that I am rather excited at the prospect of showing Him how devoted I am, and being collared by Him.

I guess I shall just wait and see what He wants.

Another thing I found while searching for some information today was the idea of having a contract between the two of us that stated what the slave’s role is, what the Master’s role is, and what each of them agree to. This I also found rather interesting. I would also like for my Master and I to agree to a contract and be bound by it.

I hope that this (at least the ceremony, if not the contract) is something that we can do and share together (if not at Christmas, then at some point down the track). I honestly feel that there’s been a shift in my thoughts regarding our relationship. I have turned a corner, and feel that I am more ready and willing to submit to Him, more than I ever have been. I believe that both a collaring ceremony and a contract between the two of us would just enforce this.

Something else that I found interesting today was the question of “Are you a Lifestyle Submissive or do you just like kinky play?” The difference as defined by Mistress Catharine (from http://www.bdsmcircle.net/opinione/areyoualifestyle.htm) is: “a lifestyle submissive is one who enjoys and desires to serve, and actually be of service to their dominant outside of a sexual scene.” Mistress Catharine also states: “Our submissives desire to please Us and desire Our happiness, fulfilment and contentment and not only during a scene. The thought of the dominant's pleasure turns on a submissive and although they have their own tastes and kinks that they enjoy more than other kinks, they would not dream to dictate a scene. A submissive is attentive to the dom.”

I have come to the conclusion that I am a lifestyle submissive (based on Mistress Catharine’s definition). I will do anything to please my Master and I feel distressed if I have done or said something that has hurt or disappoinyted Him. I always want my Master to be pleased and happy. However, it is also my need is for Him to be pleased and happy. I hate the way I feel if I have let Him down and disappointed Him in any way, shape or form, and following this is quite a number of days where I feel disappointed in myself for the words spoken or the actions I have taken. It is unbearable to know that I have done something wrong and disappointed Him or hurt Him.

So there you go, I am a lifestyle submissive and I embrace this, as well as fully embracing the true me, warts, kinks, fetishes and all.

Lucy

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Yesterday's Masturbation Session

Yesterday afternoon I spent almost 4hours masturbating on and off. In this time I was writing my fantasy and also reading erotic stories online. I was under strict instructions from my Master that I had to have my arse filled with my big buttplug while I was writing. About halfway through, I was right on the brink and the phone rung. Needless to say, I stopped masturbating for about 15mins while on the phone and was no longer close. I returned to my bedroom, lay down on the bed and continued to finish my fantasy. By the time I finished all I could smell was how wet my cunt was. I was so horny that I had to finish the job. My arse was full and I was fucking myself with my big vibe as well as rubbing my clit. I had two orgasms that were so intense I squirted. I’ll definitely have to write a further instalment for my fantasy, and I’m sure that I’ll end up masturbating then too.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

A Fantasy Of Mine....

Saturday morning I woke up to the sun shining through the gap in the curtains. I rolled over and was surprised that my Master had already gotten up. I lay there for awhile thinking about what I needed to get done around the house today. When I got up He approached me with a good morning kiss while rubbing my arsehole with his fingers. As I went to the toilet He followed, this was the usual routine. I sat down on the toilet and spread my legs so He could get a better view. He then proceeded to play with my cunt as I was pissing. He just looked at me, smiled and said “Today, just like every other day, you’re going to do what I say, without question. However, today will be different.” I was intrigued. I wanted to know more about what was going to happen throughout the day. “What’s going to be different about today?” I asked. “Now, now, there’ll be time for that later. All you need to know right now is that you will go and have a shower and when you return to the bedroom, your clothes will be ready for you.” I knew better than to question Him, after all, doing so usually results in my arse and cunt being whipped and paddled.

I finished in the toilet and went to have my shower. I love the feel of the water running over my naked body, especially my breasts. After having Him play with my cunt not too long ago, I was feeling horny. I couldn’t help myself. I reached for the shower gel and squeezed a generous amount onto my right hand. I started masturbating, using the shower gel as lube. God, how that always feels good. After a little while I knew I had to stop as I was getting close to cumming. I hopped out of the shower, dried myself and went into the bedroom to see what clothes I was required to wear for the day.

As I walked in, the outfit (or lack thereof) was laid out on the bed. There was a pair of crotchless fishnet tights, no panties, a short black skirt that barely covered my arse and cunt, no bra, and a top that was so low cut it was difficult to keep my nipples from being exposed. I thought that maybe we were just going to spend the day at home, with me being His slave all day. As I was thinking this, He came up behind me, grabbed my arse, put His head on my shoulder and said “what do you think slut?” I smiled and said “I like the outfit, but I’m still curious as to what’s going to be so different about today.” He laughed a little. “Get dressed first, and all will be revealed.”

He sat down on the bed, ready to watch me get dressed. I pulled on the tights, ensuring my cunt was exposed through the hole. I decided to leave the top until last, as I know how much He loves to look at my breasts. I then pulled the skirt up over my legs, adjusting it so that you could just see the bottom of my arse. “Turn around for me.” He commanded. I slowly turned in a full circle for Him. “Very nice indeed. You look like the true slut that you are. Now put that top on for me.” I did as I was told and completed the outfit. He smiled “Yes, now you look very fuckable.” I smiled, I live to please Him.

“So, do I get to find out soon what’s going on today?” I asked. “First things first…” He opened one of the drawers in the bedside table and took out the largest buttplug I’d ever seen. This was a new toy...one I’d never used before. He could see the look in my eyes. “Do you know what you’re going to do with this slut?” I bit on my lower lip “Master’s going to make me fill my arse with it?” “That’s right, so get to it.” He said as He handed me the toy. I lay down on the bed and started pushing it into my cunt to get it all lubed up. “Mmm…that’s it; get it all wet and ready so it’ll slip into your arse nice and easy.” I continued doing this for some time until it was ready. I also lubed up my arse with my cunt juices so stretching it wouldn’t hurt as much. I was lying on my back, with my legs spread, ready to fill my arse when He lay down between my legs. I just looked at Him. “I want the best view.” He said. I nodded my head and placed the big buttplug at the opening of my arse.

I started to slowly push it in, already it felt like it was stretching it to the max, but I knew there was more to come. As I was doing this, His hands were running over my hairy legs. It took a little while to manoeuvre it and to push it all in, but when it did I couldn’t help but let out a low, but loud moan. “You didn’t think you’d get it all in there did you slut?” I managed to shake my head, it was feeling too good. “But then again, you didn’t think it’d feel this good to have your arse stretched either did you?” I managed to somehow say no. He smiled as He made His way up the bed. Resting His full weight on me He kissed me more passionately then He ever had before. As He broke the kiss, He moved His mouth to my ear. “You’re going to have that in your arse for the rest of the day.” I let out a gasp at the thought of having my arse stretched so much for so long.

He quietly laughed. “That’s not all you’ll be doing today. I’m taking you out in the Mini Cooper. I’ll be driving, and while I’m driving around town most of the day, you’ll be sitting in the front seat using your vibrator, masturbating for everyone who can see. You will not be shy about it. Your legs will be spread wide, and I know that after awhile, you’ll love the fact that anyone who is sitting higher than us (which will be most people), will be able to see just how much of a slut you are.” My cunt was getting wetter by the second as He described this all to me. I was apprehensive, but He’s my Master, and I am obedient. I am His slut, and today I will be showing this side of me to everyone out and about in town, who can see. He leans in closer still and whispers “I know there will be drivers who will get turned on watching you do this, but just think how good it’ll be if we pull up at a set of lights and there’s a truck beside us…He’s going to see what you’re doing. He’s going to see that you’re a slut who can’t help herself. A slut that has to masturbate wherever she goes. A slut that has to get herself off, even when out driving. But, when He sees the size of your vibe and how long and thick it is…he’s going to know that you’re a slut who needs to have her holes filled with big cock. You’re going to put on a show for him aren’t you?” He asks as His hand slides down to between my legs and ever so gently rubs my clit. I groan, “Yes Master, I’ll put on a show for that man”.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Watching myself...

I have just finished masturbating. As my Master was not here to watch me, I've taken photos of my cunt after fucking it with my big plastic cock. I spent 30 minutes masturbating while reading part of an erotic story online.

Maybe this is what I should always do from now on, when He's not here to watch me...take photo's of my well fucked cunt. Mmmm...I'd like that. I have to tell Him when I masturbate (as well as updating it on here), but I think it would be better if He made me show Him photo's of my cunt after I'm finished :-D

I was sitting up in bed, with the laptop in front of me reading the story as I was masturbating. I decided to look at myself in the mirror (to the side of the bed) to see what I looked like while masturbating. I was already getting close to having an orgasm, but for some reason...watching myself masturbate was edging me there easier. I watched myself orgasm and I enoyed it. I think I might watch myself more often. If I had a video camera, I'd film me doing this, so He can see just how much I enjoy it.

I'm getting to enjoy reporting here how I masturbate, what I use, how long I masturbated for and how many orgasm's I had. It was a bit of a chore in the beginning, but I'm enjoying it more and more. It's just a matter of funding the time to update, which can be a tad difficult if I'm busy. I love the fact that I don't know who's reading these updates on my masturbation sessions....but I'd really love it if more people commented on whether they like what they are reading or not.

Lucy

Sunday, May 20, 2007

My cunt is no longer useful....

He used my cunt for the last time tonight. He's been telling me for quite some time that He's going to be switching to my arse when He wants to use me, but until tonight, I had my doubts (a little).

The only cock that will fill my cunt from now on will be made of plastic. As of this moment on, the majority of our sex life will consist of us watching each other masturbate. The only time that this will not happen is when He decides to use my arse to get Himself off. Even in this case, it is not His job to ensure I have an orgasm. That is mine. So when He decides that He will use my arse as His masturbation aid, unless I enjoy it and have been given permission to cum, it will be my job (after He's done) to masturbate myself to an orgasm (or many, depending on what He allows). Of course, while I'm doing this He will only watch me if He desires.


As well as the fact that my cunt will now only be filled with plastic cock, I have been instructed that I am to masturbate openly in front of my Master, whenever I get the urge.

I am having a little difficulty in doing this, purely because I'm not used to living with someone and being able to masturbate whenever or wherever I want. Not only that, but because of that, I'm rather shy. Don't get me wrong, I love having Him watch me masturbate. But it's the fact that I can now sit on the lounge, watching a dvd and masturbate while I'm doing so (or while doing some other activity). It's all new to me, but He insists, so I shall obey.

Truth be told...it's embarrassing for me to just start masturbating in front of someone (not to mention the fact that under normal circumstances it would be considered extremely rude and distasteful). Maybe this is another reason why He wants me to do this. Other than the fact that He loves watching me and loves me to watch Him. I am trying to be obedient, but it's hard to break 21year old habits.

I'm looking forward to our sex life from now on, only having Him fuck my holes under certain conditions. I am really looking forward to it. And if you had have said to me 5years ago that I would one day love to have a man who is my Master and would watch me masturbate, while getting as close as possible, ensuring that not only could He see how wet I was, He would be able to smell how wet I was...well I would not have believed you.

I'm ever so grateful that my Master knows me as well as He does...He has been so spot on re: knowing what my needs are and fulfilling them for me. But I know that without Him, I couldn't survive sexually, because it is very doubtful that a man would fulfill my needs as successfully as He does. I need to watch someone masturbate, and I need someone to watch me while I masturbate. Oh god, how I need that.

Thank you Master.
I love you.
Lucy

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Leading me down a different path....

Monday night, after my shower, I got dressed without any underwear. Partly because the comfy ones were downstairs in the cold night air on the washing line, and partly because I wanted to feel the smooth material against my arse and cunt.

This pleased my Master. We spent close to and hour and a half on the phone to one another, while we both masturbated listening to one another.

Last night, an hour before my Master and I spoke on the phone, I was instructed to remove my panties at once and to think aout the fact that later I would be masturbating while he listened and did the same. I was also instructed to tease myself until we spoke.

Last night's session was different to ususal, with Him leading me down a different path to somewhere I'd never been. It was more sensual, and more enjoyable. He asked me whether I had thought of my masturbation as making love to myself, I had not. So instead of me just masturbating last night, I made love to myself while we were on the phone together.

As I said, it was more sensual and more enjoyable than normal, and it actually felt less naughty. I'm all for naughtiness, but it was a nice spin on the usual. As a result of changing how I thought about masturbation, I enjoyed myself more. When masturbating, normally I would have one or two orgasm's. While making love to myself, I had 4 orgasm's. It felt more real and less as a substitute for sex, than I ever thought possible.

He is constantly challenging me and getting me to think about things in a different way. I'm ever so glad we tried to do things differently last night. It was extremely enjoyable. Thank you Master.

Lucy xoxox