Monday, May 28, 2007

Off the beaten track

Why is it that I’m submissive? This is a question that I’ve been asking myself for a little while now. Maybe it comes down to the fact that I’m just a little girl on the inside who wants to be taken care of. Maybe it’s because I want to let go of some control in one part of my life and let someone else make the decisions for me. Maybe I’m submissive because I put others first and this is just an extension of that.

All I know is that I love it. I love being told what to do, I love pleasing Him. I love knowing that me being pleased is not a top priority. I love that I have a job, and that job is me submitting to Him, and everything that comes with it.

I find it difficult to request what I want when it comes to sex. Perhaps that’s just because He’s my first and only partner (and He’s more experienced) or perhaps that’s just who I am.

I love that He takes control and tells me what to wear (or what not to wear), when I can and can’t masturbate, when I can and can’t orgasm.

I came across an interesting point on Persephone’s blog where her owners stated that she was thinking of her orgasm as being for her. They correct her and stated that it wasn’t for her and that nothing of her body is for her. “You feel the benefits of it, but it’s not for you”. This struck a chord with me, which rang so true. I know that the orgasm’s I have are because of Him allowing me to have them, but I always thought that it’s because He wants me to be pleased and obtain what I need. I’m sure this is true, but when looking at it from the other perspective, they aren’t for me. My orgasm’s are essentially for Him, after all, He’s the one that is either allowing or denying them.

I ahve obviously gotten off track and in a later post I shall address why I think I'm submissive (or I will try to at least).


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