HNT - Confidence

After losing 32kg (70.5lbs), I finally feel sexy naked and confident enough in how I look to share this picture (which bares much more of me than I have shown previously). Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

Check out who else participated in HNT this week.

* The only alteration I have made to this photo is removing identifying marks in order to protect my anonymity.

Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes

I have been working on this post for months now, but haven’t been satisfied enough with what I’ve written to publish it. My mind races with a million different thoughts that lead me down a million different paths, and that’s just one reason why this is so difficult. It’s hard to share what’s going on, when I’m still adjusting to it and working it out for myself.

It has been almost two years since I became sick and started losing weight. Almost two years that have been full of tears, determination, fears, sweat, uncertainty, self-doubt, pain, joy, happiness, adjustment and so much more. I am not the same person I was then. I couldn’t be with all the changes and everything that has happened.

As I write this, my total weight loss is 32kg (70.5lbs). I’ve lost 5 dress sizes and goodness only knows how many inches. These aren’t the only things I’ve lost; I’ve also lost my self-identity, self-consciousness, countless outfits that I adored and many other things. However, there are many things that I have gained over this time as well. A new self-identity, self-confidence that I have never known before, the freedom to walk into any clothing store and not having to worry about whether anything will fit me, and last but not least my health and knowing that I’ve added many more years to my life.

There are not enough words or enough space on my blog to explain all the ways I’ve changed (and no doubt you would be bored if I listed them all). However, I can share with you what all this has done for me. As clichéd as it sounds, this has been a big, long, eye-opening and extremely personal journey. I’ve done a lot of soul searching, a lot of thinking, and a mass of writing during this time. I’ve learnt and realised so much more about myself that I thought I would, and I’m better for it. I know myself, my emotions (and the reasons behind these) better than I ever have before. I believe I am a better me for going through this, because I have discovered the real and true me. I’m still adjusting to everything and probably will be for some time to come. After all, I haven’t reached my goal weight yet, but I am close.

Putting aside the obvious health benefits, the best part of this journey is how I now feel about myself. I never thought that I would be satisfied or content with being me. And many years ago I gave up on being the person I wanted to be. I had (grudgingly) accepted that I would always be fat and that that was just something I had to live with. How I feel about myself now, is something I only ever dreamed about, but never thought I would actually experience. For the very first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am truly happy with being who I am, with being me.

I am not perfect now that I’ve lost weight, and I never will be (but perfection is not my goal). I still have lessons to learn, and improvements to make and that’s okay. Just like it’s okay that there are physical aspects to my body that I would like to improve. However, if (for whatever reason) my body had to say the way it is right now, I would be content, I would be satisfied, but most of all I would be happy. I would be lying if I said that I found this easy. I haven’t. But to come out at the other end of this, knowing I’m a better (and healthier) version of me, is and has been worth it.

And it’s such a great feeling to finally feel sexy naked.

Opportunity

She was waiting for the holidays; looking forward to all the naughty fun they could have together. And then He got sick. Every day she would wake up with an ache between her legs, hoping that today was the day He would be feeling much better. However, each new day found Him just as sick as the one before.

Two weeks later and He’s still sick. It’s after dinner and she knows He’s not feeling well enough for what she wants to be doing. With Him busy watching tv, she takes this opportunity and quietly exits to the bedroom. Straight away she proceeds to her bedside drawer, the one that keeps her toys, her lovers. Her whole body tingles thinking about her lover’s cock, but tonight there is no time. She reaches in and retrieves her baby blue waterproof vibe. As quickly as it’s retrieved, the old batteries are replaced by new ones and she makes her way into the bathroom.

She undresses quickly, almost ripping her clothes off. The hot water is turned onto high, steaming up the glass. In one swift movement she sinks down; her back against the wall and legs splayed open. Her hand dives down to find her clit erect and begging for attention. With limited time, it’s only a matter of seconds before she places the vibe on her clit and turns it on. She masturbates as His words replay in her mind. The promise of Him taking her arse again, of making it a regular priority.

She soaps up her other hand and plays with a nipple, allowing a soft sigh to escape her lips. She increases the speed of the vibe as she rests more of her weight against the wall. She’s getting closer, thinking about having His cock in her arse again. Conscious of the time that has passed she wonders if He’s going to come looking for her soon. The thought of Him catching her masturbating is a fantasy that has made her gush on countless occasions. Tonight will be no different. Her toes curl under as she cums, hoping He’s going to walk in at that very moment and catch her.