Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Life Changes

It really is quite amazing how in the time span of a number of days a person’s outlook on the future can change. I’m in the process of organising my life, so that I can move towns and start a new chapter of mine with the one that I love.

Now this in itself is daunting enough for me, when I’ve always lived at home with my family and have lived in the same place and same home my whole life. However, things seem so much less daunting and less frightening when I know that I have the love and support of my partner. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I haven’t had the love and support from Him; it’s just that it has been cemented now.

I’m quite independent, and not too keen on having to rely on others, unless it’s necessary. And even then I have to push myself into not feeling as if I’m putting this other person out, or that I’m being an inconvenience for them. So the fact that I’m moving towns to be with the one I love, and that I won’t instantly have a job or a high paying one because I’m still a student is difficult for me. I don’t like having to ask for money from someone else, and it dints my pride having to do so. To me, asking for money because I don’t have any is admitting that I need help, and I hate having to be financially dependent on another person. This is primarily due to the fact that I’ve always lived with my family up until now, and when you get to a certain age you don’t want to have to run to them every time you’re short on cash and need some. You get to a certain age where you want your independence, and you want it completely (financial independence included).

In the months to come, I know that I’m going to have to deal with situations that I’ve never had to before, and I am looking forward to it. In saying that though, I am not such much concerned about this, but a little overwhelmed. I think that would be the best way to describe it. I’m not apprehensive, because I want and need to take this journey for myself. I can liken it to when you first get a boyfriend (or girlfriend) in high school. Everything’s all new, and you think you know how it should all work, you’ve read about it, you’ve spoken about what it’s going to be like, and then when you actually get there, you have a flashbulb moment and you think to yourself “Shit! I really don’t know what I’m doing!” and reality hits you hard.

I’m not ignorant to the fact that I am in for an interesting journey, with many new situations that at the moment I think I know how to deal with them. However, I can guarantee that probably sooner rather than later I’m going to have that flashbulb moment, and I probably will panic a little, but I will just have to remember than although I don’t know exactly what I am doing, it’s my time to learn. This journey will be my learning curve to gain experience and confidence in those areas and situations in which I’m not familiar with at present. And although I am relatively positive I’ll panic and that there will probably be some tears when I’m so overwhelmed with it all, that really what it’s all about. For me, the best part is that I have a loving and supportive partner that is going to help guide me through all these new experiences to help me gain the experience and confidence that He has from doing it all before. Although it will be different for Him this time round, the basic premise will be the same.

All I can say is that this year is going to be full of first experiences and on hell of a ride…and I can’t wait!! (insert great big grin here).

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